From ghosting to breadcrumbing, dating trends describe all the weird patterns of behavior in the realm of romance. Now, there’s a new term to worry about, “curving”.
Curving is a polite way of letting someone down without necessarily telling them you are no longer interested.
It is a sly way of rejection, where the person doesn’t even feel that they have been ditched.
Like most buzzy dating terms, curving is a form of behaviour most singletons are familiar with – and now there’s a word for it.
Curving takes many forms
Curving via texting
A very common insidious curving medium is via texting. For example, a person who used to reply at the go now takes days or even weeks to reply your messages.
But curvers are very crafty. Instead of leaving you hanging (as in ghosting), a curver will reply, but their responses will be sporadic and often apologetic e.g. “I’m so sorry for the delay, I’ve just been really busy with work (or some other excuse).
Indeed, a curver truly might have been too occupied with work, friends, family, or other activities to take a minute out of their day to craft a message to you.
Nonetheless, when this kind of behaviour becomes habitual, and you find yourself waiting endless hours for this person to reply than actually engaging in conversation with them, you should know they’re taking you for a curvy ride.
Curvers are usually On-again, Off-again lovers
Another foxy breed of curving is when someone goes one step further and convinces you that they really want to go on a date with you, only to cancel at the eleventh hour.
Curvers say things like: “I would love to spend the weekend with you, but I have wedding to tend to, Let’s definitely do something soon though”.
So, you twiddle your thumbs and wait for “soon”. But, dear singleton, with a curver, “soon” may mean “never”, and the longer you wait around for them, the more hurt you’ll feel when you realise it actually wasn’t part of their plans to see you.
“Curving is certainly a major problem that many of my dating coaching clients experience,” explains dating coach James Preece.
“Deep down, they know that the other person isn’t that interested but they still hold out hope. They convince themselves that they are just having a bad day/week/month. If they can say the right thing they’ll magically become keen again.”
“When a person curves you, it’s usually their way of trying to cool things down without explicitly saying so”, Preece tells The Independent.
“They don’t want to talk to them but they don’t know how to end it. It’s easier to have short, boring interactions rather than directly state they don’t want to see them. This is a lack of respect and only leaves the other person feeling sad and confused.”
Dating psychologist Madeleine Mason reveals that people who curve often do that to boost their own ego, because continuing to brush off someone who is romantically interested in them makes them feel more desirable.
But, it ultimately boils down to the person being curved to put an end to this behaviour.
“The person who keeps texting and accepting poor quality responses is at fault,” she says.