The phenomenon “Ghosting” is as old as “Relationships” but only recently has it come to be the most prevalent breakup strategy
Why do people ghost?
You have been hurt too many times you decided to opt for self-love. Sitting in the park, having a view of nature MASTURDATING — enjoying the lone time, that’s when they show up. In a couple of weeks, you fall head over heels in love with them. They call every two hours, text all the time, want to go frequently on dates and even drop by to check on you.
Gradually, you get used to them. It’s not yet official but you know you are in love and want a relationship. Even your pet loves them. There is no doubting the fact that you both have the hots for each other and enjoy being together.
But all of a sudden, they kick-in the ghost mode. They stop calling, stop texting and no longer do the things they used to do. Yet you find it difficult to understand what their reasons may be. What possibly must have turned them off to make such an abrupt about-turn?
Many relationships end with difficult conversations, hurtful or sorrowful words, or painful exchanges that acknowledge a relationship isn’t working out. These discussions aren’t ever easy and many people want to avoid them. They send the dreaded breakup text just to avoid looking at their partner’s eyes and calling it quits. This could be a reason why some people ghost — To avoid the usual drama associated with breakups.
The phenomenon “Ghosting” is as old as “Relationships” but only recently it has come to be the most prevalent breakup strategy. In this age, we all rely heavily on technology and dating apps to form and maintain relationships — which makes ghosting the best bet when things become sore.
The flame ceases to burn in Love affairs of brief or long duration when one partner virtually disappears. When one partner decides to ghost away, there are no end-of-relationship discussions, no “sorry, we are just not working out”, no ” it’s over between us, am moving on with my life”…. just dead quiet silence. No words, no calls, no text.
When people get ghosted
They are thrown into a state of wild-wondering-thoughts as to why they got dumped. Interestingly, most of these thoughts may be far from being related to the crux of the matter.
1. They don’t know immediately if the relationship is over or if there is a different reason for the person’s absence.
2. Once they come to understand that it’s really over, they still don’t know the person’s motive for ghosting away.
3. They are left to navigate an unsettling lack of closure… which can be so unhealthy.
4. They may feel like their trust has been betrayed, especially in overly emotionally-intimate or physically-intimate connections.
5. They may blame themselves, even when it’s evident that it’s no fault of theirs.
6. They find it hard to relate their thoughts about the relationship or break-up with the other person.
But why really do people ghost
There seems to be a strong correlation between ghosting — a fast emerging trend in millennial relationships and technology (dating apps).
In a study carried out to examine the experience of ghosting, out of 550 men and women, 25% reported having been ghosted, and about 20% said they’ve ghosted someone with whom they were romantically involved (Freedman, Powell, Le, & Williams, 2018).
Do those numbers shock you? Then brace up for more. It’s possible they’ll increase geometrically in the coming days, as technology is becoming more and more entrenched in modern dating connections.
Here is another problem, some people see nothing wrong with ghosting
There are people who still believe that “for each one there is a perfect match”, and people are either meant for each other or they are not. Such people have come to accept the fact that ghosting is the perfect way to end a relationship that is not working.
Others believe that ghosting is the more humane way to end a potential romance rather than verbally calling it quits. They argue that formally breaking up with a partner hardly ever ends well, so ghosting seems to be the best option.
Perhaps most articles on ghosting are written on the premise that it’s rude to just leave your partner in the dark, but realistically it isn’t compared to telling them outrightly “you suck! I’m moving on!”.
However, the more people subscribe to growth beliefs, the more they come to terms with the fact that ghosting is the worst way to end a long-term relationship.
Is he or she likely to ghost you in future?
This may be difficult to say, especially at the beginning of the relationship. But as puzzling as it is, we can find a way around. Do they devoutly believe in destiny? — that what is meant to be will be no matter what happens?. According to Freedman et al, “If someone has strong destiny beliefs underlying how they think about relationships, they have a fixed mindset about love… it’s either perfect or forget it. Perhaps they experience a bump in the relationship, and this bump means — for them — that the relationship wasn’t “meant to be.”
Destiny freaks don’t buy the idea that all relationships come across hurdles and both partners have to work to navigate through. They believe in having the perfect vibe, and when their relationships hit the rocks, they assume that’s the end.